I sit by your crib
For neither the “manger” nor the manager matter
For now, they tell me how to be
How to hold
When to touch and when not to touch
Did I ever imagine that women in cloaks and grubby shoes would tell me how to love you?
How to mother you?
Was it not I that carried you for 9 months?
Not I that was cut for you?
Not I that sang to you every night and loved you before knowing your face or hands?
And is it not I that knows what you need and when you need it?
I am green, with much to learn
I will make mistakes and fail often
But do you need me just as much as I need you?
For now, we sit apart
Governed by these rules
Regulations on how to love
When for 9 months we loved wholeheartedly Without anyone’s concern
You were only mine before.
Before the world got its hands on you.
They probe and poke and check and glance
Another case number in this ghostly hall
And for now I sit back
My hands tied
As if being a mother is not enough
I am not enough for you now
But one day I will be
And one day I will hold you in my arms
When your hands will be unrestrained and so will mine
And on that day we will both be free
To leave this ghastly chapter behind
And love each other the way we’ve known how all along
- Written October 2023, for Aleiyah Lee